Can i not drive my cunt home
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
