remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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