So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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