we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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