For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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