Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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