I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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