I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
