im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
