I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
