you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
