VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
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It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
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She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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