My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
