so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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