David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
