oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
