is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
