I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
