she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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