Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
