i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
