Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
