on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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