She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
