get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
