whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
