im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The air was thick with penises
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bring me that man meat
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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