just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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