My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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