Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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