i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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