how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
