I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
