I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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