Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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