i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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