i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize