I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
