For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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