Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
