There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
