Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sorry about my life...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
