These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
