You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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