I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
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We had to coat check the pizza.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
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We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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