Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
