I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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