i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I deserve this hangover.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
