Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize