my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
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and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
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Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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