i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
