I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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