Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
