you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
