He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
