he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
