I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
