woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
people are starting to question the shark bite story
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
