Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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