What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
